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Thursday, December 16, 2010

Black Swan: Reviewgasm!

Yes, we've all heard every single newspaper ever give this move like 300 stars and call it "riveting" or some shit like that. 

Usually, when a movie gets so much hype it usually ends up letting me down supremely, (Phantom Menace, anyone?) and I don't consider this film an exception. See, if you didn't know this about me, I'm a giant anti-film snob. I like cheesy B-Movies and samurai flicks and stuff like that, and I generally hate art-house movies. They're pretentious as fuck, and they seem to have this pre-conceived notion that they're offering some kind of dumb left-wing message. Newsflash asshole: nobody wants to see another movie about why the Iraq war is bad, we get it, Bush was a retard, can we move on? But I'm getting off topic. The point is, art-house movies that critics orgasm all over piss me the fuck off.

I'm not one of the people that jizzed all over "The Wrestler." I liked it, sure, but I mean, it wasn't THAT good. Mickey Rourke is amazing, and the dialogue is well written, but other than that it didn't have much going for it. It was Rocky, but with a wrestler. Oh, for those of you who don't know, The Wrestler and this were both directed by Darren Aronofsky, so that's why I'm talking about it.

So, point is, my hopes were pretty null for this movie. Not only did it center on ballet, but it was everything in a movie that usually gets bored. I was afraid it would take itself too seriously, and that it would overhype itself.

So, I walked into the theatre and sat idly by as the movie began to play out exactly how I thought it would.

Basically, Natalie Portman plays the ballet dancer in her mid 20's who lives with her overbearing stage mom that relives her ballet dreams through daughter. She signs on a production of "Swan Lake" and gets the role. For the role she must be able to be versatile as the bright colored good swan and the evil black swan.

See what I mean.

The first 15 minutes or so of this movie play out as a chick flick.

I found myself sitting there with ways to savage this movie on the internet swimming through my head.

But then something strange happened. This movie kind of got good. It became a psychological thriller instead of this prissy ballet movie. I began to pay attention, and I became enthralled.

So what happens is that she begins to get further into the role of the black swan. There's several obviously sexual passes made at her by the dance instructor and she forms a bizarre but interesting friendship with her co-star, who gets her more into this freaky-deeky black swan shit. The stress of her overbearing mother begins to ware on her, and she starts to go insane.

I'm not gonna ruin it for you after that.

Look, it's really hard for me to say that I liked this movie, because it's about ballet, it stars Padme Amidala, it's artsy, and major critics love it. I hate agreeing with them, but this is one instance where I can't avoid them. Oh well. I'm giving it an 8 out of 10, which os pretty damn good on the Brian scale. Peace the fuck out.

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